Sunday, November 22, 2009

This could squash your happy holiday plans

Those of you who regularly feast yourselves senseless on turkey and pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, then wake up the following Friday morning swollen, sullen and unable to make any other breakfast than one that simply requires a toaster and some syrup, may be in for trouble this year.
The rain soaked fields of pumpkins in Morton, IL are so sodden with precip this year that the harvesting machines can’t bring in the remaining Select Dickinson pumpkins needed to fill the cans at Libby’s. It looks like by Thanksgiving, they will be all out. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, apparently the heavy rains are also responsible for closing down the plant in Georgia that makes those heavenly Eggo waffles. To Americans, who have moved long past making their own healthy breakfasts and have come to rely on the frozen toaster treats in the morning, this may sound like the end of days. All across the country, hearing fork-wielding small children (or perhaps a hungry spouse) spouting the refrain “Leggo my Eggo” may come to take on a much darker, sinister tone.
Authorities have urged calm. While some supermarkets have declared they will not raise their prices because of high demand, it can only be a matter of time before other grocers look to the little orange sugar pies leftover from Halloween and see gold. Frantic mothers have been embossing slices of white bread by pressing them onto computer keyboards and trying to pass them off as waffles to the younger set. Various websites have tried helpfully to suggest substitutes, such as using zucchini instead of pumpkin in bread; but these are a dismal alternative in pies.
The Monitor is happy to report that the state of pumpkin and Eggos at the Hall is stable; dual control over the refrigerator has ensured the steady but contained flow of Eggos over the past month, and coming upon an untapped lode of canisters at the local Wal-Mart, Mrs. Hall was able to stock up on sufficient supplies of the now coveted puree to last her through January. Should the upstate New York area experience any post atomic annihilation or mutant zombie attack scenarios, they are well prepared to barter in what very well may be the new coin of the realm: all the raw materials to make gooey sweet food obsessions.

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